Life's Little Secrets
by SaMaRa KrYsTaL
Summary: Dawn discovers something that will forever change her life. No matter which way she looks at it, it will. What is this secret? Will she ever tell Buffy? Or anyone, for that matter? Or will she just disappear?
1. Chapter One

**_Life's Little Secrets_**

**Hello everyone, this is a story that just kinda popped into my head while I was watching Buffy, lol. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it, and please review, I would really appreciate it! )  
**  
**_Disclaimer:_** **I don't own anything Buffy, except the characters that I created.**

On with the story!

**_Chapter one_**

Dawn Summers sat on her bed, writing in her journal. She had a lot to write about. And her latest subject was her boyfriend, Ryan. There was so much to say about him. For starters, he was hot. He reminded her of a model. She had been shocked, when he had asked her out. It was a funny story, really. But Dawn was cut short as a wave of nausea suddenly over took her. She quickly jumped off the bed, and threw her journal down, running to the bathroom. She slammed the door behind her, and leaned over the toilet seat. Everything seemed to empty out of her, and soon enough, all she was doing was dry heaving. She sat up, and leaned up against the wall. She was breathing heavily, trying to catch her breath. Sweat was glistening on her forehead, and she felt exhausted. This had been happening a lot lately, and she wasn't sure why.

Actually, it had been happening every now and then for the last three weeks. She had just dismissed it as an upset stomach, but when it kept happening, she started to get a little worried. If it was the flu, then why wasn't anybody else catching it? Oh well, if it happened again she would make a doctor's appointment. She didn't really think to much of it, or at least not enough to tell Buffy. Everyone would be fawning over her, oh poor Dawnie, she's sick. She hated the fact that not just Buffy, but the scoobies, treated her like a child. She was far from it, she was sixteen, not two. They thought she was an innocent little child, but in all actuality, there little Dawnie was growing up, right under there noses.

She had her own secrets too. Like the fact that she had lost her virginity. They had no idea, and she liked it that way. Could you just imagine their faces if they did? She didn't need them knowing everything about her life. Ryan was her first serious boyfriend, and her _first_. She cleaned herself up, and went back into her room. Maybe Ryan would call soon. At that thought, she smiled, and went back to writing in her journal.

**So, I know this wasn't all that good, maybe jumbled up and stuff. But I can promise that upcoming chapters will be better. Anyway, please review and tell me what you think. Oh and this takes place around season six. Okies bye for now!  
**  
**-Samara**


	2. Chapter Two

**_Life's Little Secrets_**

**Hello everyone, this is chapter two, I hope it's a little better, please review and tell me what you think, I would really appreciate it.  
**  
**_Disclaimer_**: **I own nothing Buffy, although I wish I owned Spike. -sighs- Oh well, lol, I don't. But, I do own Ryan and any other characters I may add in later. So, no suing me, you really wouldn't get anything. -reaches into pocket- Oh wait, here. -holds piece of lint out- You can have that.  
**  
**Okies, on with the story**.

**_Chapter two_**

She had just finished throwing up, again. That was it, she was going to the doctor. Dawn stood up, and cleaned herself up, one last time. She was tired of all this. She didn't know what it was, but she didn't like it. If it was the flu, she was sure it was the world's longest lasting one. She grabbed her coat, and headed down stairs. She sat at the counter, and made herself a bowl of cereal. She looked at one of the magazines Willow had left on the counter, and when she saw it, something hit her like a ton of bricks. There was a picture of a baby on the cover. Dawn's heart felt like it stopped. And she sat there frozen, staring at the picture. Could that be it? No, it couldn't be. She _couldn't_ be. God she hoped not. Dawn's mind was racing with a million different thoughts. She jumped up, threw her bowl in the sink, grabbed her coat and ran out the door like a bat out of hell. She had to get to the doctor's...now!

& & & &

Dawn sat in the waiting room of the free clinic, something she never thought she'd be doing. She looked around the waiting room. Everything seemed like it was going in slow motion. There were young couples sitting in chairs and holding hands, homeless people, and young girls with large tummies. Dawn's gaze fixed on one girl in particular. She had long blond hair, and looked to be around her age. Her stomach was large and round. Dawn briefly wondered if that would be her soon. She was taken out of her daze, when a nurse called her name.

"Evelyn Sanders?"

Dawn jumped up. "Yes, that's me."

The nurse smiled warmly at Dawn. "Follow me."

Dawn had given a fake name because she didn't want anybody to know that she had been here. As she followed the nurse down the white hall, an image of the girl in the waiting room flashed in her head.

The nurse guided her into a small room, and said, "The doctor will be in a minute."

Dawn nodded and smiled at the nurse.

Soon, the door opened, and the doctor walked in. "Hello, Ms. Sanders. How can I help you today?" He said politely.

"Uh, I'm here for a pregnancy test." She mumbled quietly.

The doctor didn't even flinch. "Okay, we'll get that done for you."

& & & &

As she waited for the results of the test, Dawn's heart was hammering in her chest. The waiting and not knowing was getting to her, and she couldn't take it anymore. She got up and started pacing around the room. Several minutes later, the doctor came in and looked at her.

"We have the results, Ms. Sanders. It's positive. You are indeed pregnant."

Dawn froze, and she felt like she couldn't breath. He had just confirmed her fears. She was pregnant. And she was just sixteen.

& & & &

Dawn walked down the sidewalk with her head bowed and her arms around her stomach. She held packets of information in her hand, but she wasn't thinking about them. She was thinking about what the doctor had said. She was pregnant. How could this be happening to her? Well, she knew in her head how it had happened, but her heart was wondering. What was she going to do? She couldn't tell anyone, they would kill her. How would she tell them? Was she going to keep the baby? What was going to happen? All these questions raced through her head, as she walked down the street, feeling alone. For some reason she felt dirty, and she didn't know why. She just couldn't shake the feeling. Then one thought in particular ran through her head. Was she going to tell Ryan? She sat down on a bench, and kept thinking. She could just get an abortion, and no one would ever know. She stood up suddenly, and began walking away fast, disgusted with herself for even thinking that. She had to get a second opinion, wasn't that what you were supposed to do?

She went into the corner store, and looked around, checking to make sure no one she knew was there. She quickly went to the section with the pregnancy tests, and looked at them. There were so many different types, so she just grabbed one randomly, and walked quickly up to the counter. She paid for it, and put the pamphlets she had been given in the paper bag with the test. She looked around one more time, and ran to the bathroom in the back of the store. She locked the door behind her, and opened up the test.

Several minutes later, Dawn stood by the sink, staring at the little stick. It was time, and she picked up the test nervously. She looked at it, and any hopes she had were diminished. It was positive. She'd known it would be, but part of her was hoping. She dropped the test on the floor, and collapsed, crying silently.

& & & &

Dawn walked out of the store, with the paper bag now only holding the pamphlets. Deciding to take a short cut home, she turned into a dark ally. She was staring at the ground as she walked, and all of a sudden bumped into something and fell to the ground. The bag fell out of her hand, and she looked up to see a very familiar face. Something she didn't want to see right now.

"Spike?" She asked in surprise. "What are you doing out here? It's sunny out."

He looked around the dark ally, and looked at her expectantly.

"Oh, right. No sun in the ally." She said, getting up.

Spike noticed her bag on the ground, and went to pick it up for her. Dawn noticed and reacted quickly.

"No!" She shouted as she picked the bag up before he could get it.

He looked at her strangely, and she said,

"No, it's OK. I got it."

They stared at each other for a moment, and Dawn spoke up.

"Well, I have to go."

Then she scurried out of the ally, leaving Spike to stare at her retreating form, confused.

**So, how was it? Please review and tell me! Thanks, and sorry if this wasn't that good, the chapters will get better, I promise. Okies, I'm gonna go now, bye: )  
**  
**-Samara**


	3. Chapter Three

**_Life's Little Secrets_**

**Hello again, everyone. Sorry that I haven't updated in a little while. I want to thank everyone for their reviews, I appreciate it so much, please keep reviewing, it really does make me update faster.**

**_Disclaimer_**: **Yah know what, this gets annoying having to write one of these things but I still will, I don't own anything Buffy except the characters I make up like Ryan. So no suing, the only thing you would get would be, well, nothing. **

Okies on with the chapter...

**_Chapter three_**

Dawn had locked herself in her room, and was now lying on her bed in the fetal position. She couldn't believe this was happening, it almost felt like some freakish nightmare. It had only been once, and she had the consequence in her stomach. She couldn't kill her own child, so abortion was out of the question. She couldn't give her baby away, so adoption was also out of the question. Which left her with one option: to keep her baby. God, she couldn't believe she was even thinking of the words _my baby_. She had been thinking of only this, since she had found out. And she'd come to one conclusion.

She was scared.

She snapped out of her reverie, when the phone rang. She let it ring a few times, and when she figured no one else was going to answer it, she leaned over and picked it up.

"Hello?" She said plainly.

"Hey baby." Her heart quickened as she heard his voice. She loved it so much. Dawn shook her head. She couldn't be thinking about that anymore.

"Hi Ryan."

"Hey, you okay?" He asked, sounding concerned.

"No, I have to talk to you."

"All right, then talk."

"No, in person. Meet me at the park in ten minutes."

"Okay. See yah there, sweetie." Then he hung up the phone.

Dawn sighed, and laid back down on the bed, a single tear escaping from the corner of her eye.

**I know, I know, short chapter. Sorry, but the next one should be longer and hopefully better. Is she going to tell Ryan her secret? I don't know...(hehe) **

Thanks again for the reviews: )

**-Samara**


	4. Chapter Four

**_Life's little secrets  
_**  
**Hi everyone, I just wanna thank you for the reviews so far, if you don't mind, can you please keep reviewing?**

**_Disclaimer:_** **I don't own anything Buffy, Joss Whendon does (lucky guy!) But I do own the story, that's about it so far, lol.**

Now onto the next chapter...

**_Chapter four_**

Dawn walked into the park, the wet grass squishing under her feet as she walked. Her heart was drumming in her head, and she felt like she was going to be sick. It took everything she had, not to toss her cookies right there. As she got closer, she could make out the small form of Ryan standing by the bench. This made her mind race even more. She forced herself to move forward. She had to do this, she had to tell him. Once she reached him, they just stood there staring at each other.

"Well, what did you want to talk to me about?" Ryan asked, breaking the silence.

Dawn opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. She had to do this, she was dead set, her mind told her. But, her mouth seemed to disagree. She tried again, but no sound came out. She was getting frustrated, and tears welled up in her blue eyes.

"I can't do this!" She shouted, able to speak again.

With that, she ran out of the park, leaving yet another person staring after her; confused.

& & & &

She didn't know where she was running, but she had to keep going. If she stopped, she would think about what was happening. Her heart felt heavy, and her head clouded. Yet, she still kept running, tears flowing down her face. Finally, after a while she stopped, and found herself in front of none other than Spike's crypt. She wondered why she had gone there, of all places. Stopping her thoughts, she became panicked, she had to get out of there before-

"Ello' Luv."

That.

She turned and looked right at Spike, a nervous smile on her face. Spike took note that something was wrong, he could sense it. He walked up to Dawn slowly, as if walking up to a wounded animal. He put his hands on her shoulders, and looked into her face. She diverted her gaze to the ground.

"What's wrong nibblet? Are you all right?"

Dawn didn't say or do anything, just looked down. He put his finger under her chin, and lifted it gently. She looked at him, trying to fight back the tears that were beginning to become familiar. Spike knew then, something was up.

"What is it nibblet? You know you can tell ol' Spike anything."

Dawn pulled forcefully away from him, and she stared at his face. A single tear she had failed to conceal slid down her cheek, as she said,

"I have to go home, Buffy's probably wondering where I am."

Without looking back, Dawn turned and ran with all her strength out of the grave yard. Spike watched her retreating form, but the look on his face this time, was not one of confusion, but suspicion.

**HeHe, I know sorta a cliff hanger, I'm mean. JK, lol. Again, thanks for the reviews, and if you want me to continue, please keep reviewing. I gotta go now, lol.**

TTFN!

-Samara 


	5. Chapter Five

**_Life's little secrets_**

**Hi there, again. I can't believe how long it's been since I've updated, I'm so sorry. I want to say thank you for your reviews. I really do hope you keep reviewing.**

_Disclaimer:_ This again? Oh, well here it goes: I own nothing Buffy. Now with those words written I have something to say: No suing!

**Okay well, that's enough chatter from me. Here's Chapter five :-)**

**_Chapter Five_**

As soon as the door closed, there was Buffy. Dawn rolled her eyes. She really wasn't up for a game of twenty questions. Her older sister's eyes were blazing with worry and anger.

"Dawn where were you?" She shouldered past Buffy and stood on the bottom stair.

"I went to the park, no big deal Buffy. I'm fine."

"It's not okay, do you know how worried I was? You could've been lying in a ditch somewhere and I wouldn't have known!"

Buffy was becoming more and more like their mother everyday.

"Okay, fine. I'll tell you when I leave next time! Happy?" The teenager snapped.

Without giving her sister a chance to reply, Dawn ran upstairs and slammed her bedroom door. All of a sudden, the room seemed to grow smaller. She was getting dizzy. _Okay_, she thought, _maybe I just need to eat something_.

With a sigh, Dawn headed down to the kitchen.

& & & &

Now sitting and eating a peanut butter sandwich, the dizziness had subsided a little. God, all she wanted to do was sleep, to forget today. But she knew it would just smack her in the face tomorrow. What must Ryan be thinking? Probably that she was nuts. Dawn jumped when the back door opened, so deep in thought was she.

"Hey Dawnie, what's up?" Dawn looked up and her eyes briefly met with Willow's.

"Oh nothing, just having a midnight snack."

"It's only nine."

"Yeah well, it _feels_ like midnight." Willow's brow creased in concern.

"You okay?" Dawn quickly nodded.

"I'm fine, just a little tired."

"Yeah, I know what you mean." Now it was Dawn's turn to ask questions.

"Are _you_ okay?"

"Full day of mixing potions. Let me tell you something, I'll be glad if I never see a nuit's eye again."

"That bad huh?"

"You have no idea."

_But I could if you guys would give me a chance_, Dawn thought. However, on the outside she just smiled slightly. Breaking the silence that had overtaken the small kitchen, Willow stood up.

"I'm gonna go take a long, hot, shower." Dawn stood up as well.

"Yeah, I'm gonna-" The earlier dizzy spell had returned. With a vengeance.

She gripped the edge of the counter, trying not to fall over. The room was moving in circles, nothing was still. She tried to hide her obvious distress from Willow. If only she could get upstairs and lay down, then...

"Dawn are you okay?" The witch's words floated through her ears.

"Dawn?"

Her answer was to fall to the floor.

**Sorry if that was bad, I tried. I'm hoping to update a little more now that it's summer, and I'll defiantly try. Thanks again everyone.**

Please review!

-Samara


	6. Chapter Six

_**Life's Little Secrets**_

**Hey, guys! Well, I'm back on this site and I've decided to update my fics. Sorry it's taken so long! Last time I updated, I believe it was the beginning of last _summer_! And here I am now, waiting for all this damn snow to end and a new season of Spring to begin. Don't get me wrong, I love the snow. Snow angels are the best! But, there's been so _much_ of it, that it gets a bit…redundant. Anyway. I may not have been updating, but I have been writing (like I could ever stop!) and my writing has matured, even if it's only a little. I noticed it was a bit…loose before. And the formatting, oh lordy, did _that_ go to hell! I'll be editing the earlier chapters for this, when I stop being lazy and actually get a chance! My brother's hog the computer. Not an excuse, just a fact. Oh, and CAPT tests are coming at the end of this month and that'll take a while. I'm a nervous wreck! Are they really as bad at they're made out to be? I'm just wondering. Okies, well, now I do believe I should start the chapter. What about you?**

**Disclaimer: Joss Whendon owns everything, and, -sigh-, even Spike. But I own Ryan :-D**

**And thanks for your reviews!**

_**Chapter Six**_

Waking up felt like traveling through a cave for Dawn. She could see nothing but darkness, and her senses were dulled. As she fought to raise her heavy lids, she tried to remember, sluggishly, what had happened. All she could recall was talking to Willow…

"Dawn? Dawn, can you hear me?" It was Xander's voice. The same Xander that Dawn had had a crush on for years.

"I hear you," she croaked out. And then opened her eyes, only to shut them again. The light was too bright.

"Dawn?" Xander asked again, his voice filled with concern.

"I'm awake, Xander." Dawn gave him a weird look when he put a comforting hand on top of her trembling one.

"What happened?" She questioned.

"Where to start? First you passed out and then you wouldn't wake up…"

"I passed out?"

"And hit your head, apparently."

"I hit my head?" That meant she had fallen to the ground pretty hard. And…Her baby! Was her baby alright? She had to get out of here! Get to the clinic! If she'd hurt her baby, Dawn would _never_ be able to live with herself…

"Whoa, Dawnster. Stay put."

She shook her head. "I can't Xander, you don't understand-"

"I understand that you took a pretty nasty fall and you might have a concussion. Unless you want to fall again, I think you'd better just lye still." Dawn's protest died in her throat. Xander's voice had been so stern. He _never_ sounded stern. Well, unless you counted that time Buffy had come back after months of running away…

"Fine." She tried sounding angry, but it didn't quite work. She was so tired. And he _was_ right. She could fall again…and hurt her baby even more. _Please be alright._

Xander kept talking. "Buffy and Willow went to get Giles. And Giles knows some doctor that makes house calls…"

Dawn bolted upright. A doctor! _Here_! He would examine her and then everyone would know…

"I have to get out of here!" Before Xander could push her back down, Dawn was off the couch. The world shifted and she started to run as she tried to put it in place. As her hand went to turn the knob of the front door, it did it for her. _Oh, damn! _And then there was Buffy, Willow, Giles and some old man standing there, staring at her. She backed away slowly.

"Dawn? Are you okay? You shouldn't be up…" It was Buffy's voice. Dawn recognized that much. But it only sounded like a faraway echo. The four forms in front of her soon turned to blobs and Dawn took a frantic, blind step towards the direction she thought the door was in. She was on the verge of passing out again…

And then there was a familiarly strong arm wrapped around her middle. Arms that had been wrapped around her one very special night. "Dawn, Dawn hey! Why don't you just sit down? C'mon, I'll help you."

She allowed Ryan to sit her on a chair. Oh, god. Could this day get any worse? Now _Ryan, _the cause of all this, was here. And it disturbed Dawn that she didn't want him to leave. Once the world stilled, Dawn looked up, sheepishly, at her loved ones.

"So, how's about that doctor?"

& & & &

Dawn rolled over in her bed when she heard the door to her room open. She forced a smile when she saw her anxiety-ridden boyfriend standing there. He came and sat on the foot of her bed.

"Baby, why didn't you tell anybody?"

Dawn had to still her jumping nerves. It was alright, she told herself. No one knew. The doctor had concluded that she had a mild case of pneumonia. And a huge gash on her head covered in a large bandage.

"I-I just thought it was a cold. Why are you here?"

He looked at her like she should know the answer to that. "Why do you think? I was worried about you. You just ran away from me at the park…"

"Oh, that."

"Is that all you have to say? No explanation? Just 'oh'?"

"Ryan, look. Can we do this later? I'm kinda tired."

His handsome face softened. "Okay, babe. I'll call you later. Sleep well." And with a gentle kiss to her forehead, he was gone.

For a minute, Dawn listened carefully to all the noises in the house. No sound of footsteps or whisper of a voice missed her ears. And when she was finally sure the coast was clear, she pushed the blankets aside and let her bare feet touch the cold floor. After tying back her long, light brown hair and putting on a pair of old sneakers, Dawn unlocked her window and slowly opened it. Then she climbed down the trellis and into the inky night…

**Hmm, was that kinda meshed? And rushed? Or was that just me? Anyway. I'll try to update when I can. Please review! Thanks!**

**-Samara**


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